Yellow Butterfly
by VR Miller
Summary: Some things are better left forgotten (Pre-Game)


Alrighty so this is a piece I did for the FOKM like two years ago (according to my tumblr), so there's probably errors and while I am truly sorry, at the same time I'm also not reediting this so don't bother pointing out any errors lmao. Um, yeah, I guess this is the tipping point where my writing took a dive for the dark end and I can't say I'm too terribly sorry about it. Warning, contains infantcide and bad thoughts. Sadly while I have a kick ass backstory for these two, I'm piss poor at doing anything other than oneshots so the backstory will probably never see the light of day. Or if it does, I'll do as I always do and post one or two chapters before never updating it again. Whoops.

* * *

 _ _I can still hear that scream, it's still lingering- in the air, everywhere, mother please save me. Grab my hand, I can't, I can't__

 ** **Meg and Dia**** **-** ** _ **Yellow Butterfly**_**

She'd broken long before. The bright, vivacious Jess had been brutally murdered, initially by a timid, unnamed slave girl before being replaced by a hollow Columba.

There'd been a short, brief moment when she'd mistakenly thought that things could get better once she'd been selected to become the Frumentarii's wife and they'd both believed it. Jess slipped away and Columba emerged, refusing to acknowledge the truth of the matter.

One happy, oblivious year where she was kept ignorant and guarded from what went on outside of her husband's tent, eagerly absorbing the lies.

Jess returned from the grave when Columba was 5 months pregnant. Everyone commented on how she'd provide Vulpes with a strong, healthy boy and once more she was unaware of any other potential outcome. Not until one day when she had 4 months to go and someone had left her to her own devices for a little too long and the thought had arrived in her head- short, and gone on the breeze before she'd had too much time to process it, but it arrived and refused to leave.

 _What if I have a girl?_

She ignored the thought, but it plagued her for another month- when tentatively voicing the question to her husband, he'd danced around the issue and assured her she was carrying a son, so there was no use in putting the thought into her head.

Columba tried, but Jess refused to put the issue to rest.

Demented thoughts had plagued her, refusing to leave her mind at peace and she didn't dare voice them. Little by little, as her belly swelled, Columba had become dissatisfied with either option, regardless of the gender of her baby. There were days when she genuinely wished to pass during labor, a thought she knew terrified Vulpes when another man's wife met the fate she began to desire.

Vulpes had been hesitant to leave at 8 months, knowing that his son would arrive in the world any day and wanted to be there. Columba played the role of the dutiful wife and assured him that she'd still be here, and pregnant when she returned.

Of course, that didn't happen.

The night after he left, she'd gone into labor.

After hours of screaming and pleading for mercy, the child finally passed from her body. Columba had been delirious from the pain and the effort, and around halfway through, that thought arrived once more. Certain that she was just letting her imagination get to the better of her, Columba's fears ended up being completely founded.

The loud, vocal child held in the arms of the slave was a girl.

Columba allowed the child to be separated from her and cleaned, following the instructions to get the baby to nurse, but completely shell shocked through the process. The look given to the daughter by her mother was not one of unparalleled adoration, but confusion and the inability to comprehend what was in her arms.

When left alone with the child, Columba stared at this alien creature- she'd dreamed of a proud son, bringing glory to Caesar under the red flag.

What could this girl bring? Jess knew exactly what would happen to the child- she'd be a slave, worked to the bone and treated like a dog until or unless some man decided she was fortunate enough to be his wife. And even then, there was no promise that she would be as well kept as Columba had been. Best case scenario, the girl would be bred like a cow to give either more slaves or more soldiers to the Legion.

Columba didn't say a word as Jess lifted the pillow and pressed it on the child's face. There was a thin, reedy cry, and then, eventually, nothing.

She didn't let go of the baby, even after it passed. She cried, disturbed by how automatic and final the motion had been- there hadn't been any time to decide. Jess had decided that was no life for the girl, and ended it as soon as the decision had been made.

Time became meaningless, Jess and Columba staring at this dead infant with tiny blue lips and tiny cold limbs.

Once more, Jess made an automatic choice without putting too much thought into it. The baby was swaddled in a cloth, hiding its disturbed color from view.

When she left the tent, there were a few surprised glances but no one thought much of it, simply assuming the mother wanted to walk with her baby. Columba rarely left the tent without being escorted by Vulpes, and had been docile so long that no one thought to keep an eye on her. After all, where would a new mother and her infant go?

There was no plan, and no supplies. Neither Jess nor Columba had any intention of surviving out in the Mojave.

The ease that she slipped away from the camp was almost stupid. No one thought to question her, perhaps thinking the deluded woman wanted to wait at the entrance for her husband's return to present her child to him.

She deposited the child where Vulpes would surely find it- bitter resentment had flooded her rather suddenly, blaming him.

Let him know his child was dead and no doubt his wife had met the same fate out in the desert.

Maybe some romantic would spin it to where the baby had died as many were apt to do, and the mother had been so heart broken she couldn't deal with the pain, not even long enough to await her husband.

As it were, Jess did not die- luck was on her side once more, being found, rescued and cared for enough to get her feet back under her.

The baby hung over her like a dark cloud, that disturbingly peaceful face haunting her dreams.

She got a job as a courier- it provided a steady income, allowed Jess to struggle to make a come back without rooting herself in one place. There was always the fear of being found by Legion or more directly running into her husband, but Jess was careful. The baby never left, and there was always a 'what's the worse that can happen' mentality.

When she found herself in a shallow grave outside of Goodsprings, she couldn't even bring herself to care.


End file.
